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Blog by scotty lick lick

I am home from another long day at work.

This day, just like all the others since we spoke, was filled with thoughts of you. Yes, thoughts of you. I have so many things to say that I don’t know where to start. It would seem that a man who has once been in love wouldn’t find himself with the same types of feelings for someone who he’s never met, never touched, and in most respects hardly knows. But the one time I was in love, it was like a spell and my feelings and wishes were based on giving and loving, not something simple as an infatuation or a sexual desire. You however have always touched those very same feelings with in me. I can’t deny that how you made me feel inside was overwhelming and sexually opened me up to things I’d never consider, but how could it be love? How could anyone who’s never been with you fall in love with your smile or heart stopping dreamy eyes? How could your sweetest of voices with sultry strength and assurance affect any man in that way? Certainly one can’t fall in love because of the angelic freshness your lovely skin possesses while wrapped with a soft luxurious main of hair that begs to be smelled like a flower. Maybe I’m in love with your sense of fun and exuberance as well as the live life to the fullest attitude you have which isn’t in the least guided by what others think.

You’re a beautiful, strong woman, with intelligent business sense who is naturally intuitive about the thoughts and desires of men. To be as feminine, womanly, girly, take home to mother, and as perverse as you can be shouldn’t affect me in such a way either. I’m still not sure if you’re sweet and loving and being a bitch at times or a bitch that is sweet and loving at times. Hum….

(Tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc)

Nah….. Those couldn’t be things that would cause me to feel this way. Could they? But honestly Devon I do. I do! I DO! I feel so open and vulnerable to you and all I can ever think of when I see you, hear you, get an e-mail, or IM from you is how much I can see my self wanting you! Not to have sex with either. Maybe it’s crazy of me not to think this way but I always think of just being near you, with you, in your life, loving you, doing things to always let you know that you are the one thing in life that I’ve sought for from the beginning of my most distant memories.

Everyone lives for something. Maybe some live to have power, wealth, possessions, or to see their children grow up, or something as simple as being accepted for whom they are and loved for it, a sense of belonging, a sense of purpose. I have never been fascinated with the initial things I mentioned but always with the later. What’s so ironic is that those I’m drawn too seem to more be interested in power, wealth, possessions, and yes…. control. It’s as if the opposites attract theory is deep with in me. Yet all I can offer in over abundance is me and the love of a man who only cares to give as much as possible with no constraints put upon his partner. I’ve always wanted my lady to be happy, and even at my expense sometimes. It’s a twisted way to love by most people’s standards and very difficult for many to understand if at all. I seem to have been searching for what only exists in dreams and fantasies for the past 8 years or so. But Mz Devon, you are what my every dream and fantasy has been made of. I never knew who you were but I knew you were out there, somewhere. Now I’m conflicted with thoughts of how could I even posses a woman like you.

Your choices are many, and many with the ability to provide in ways hat would fill anyone’s material needs. I just have to hope that somewhere inside you there’s a woman who has a larger need to be loved and even worshiped than to just have material things. I have no doubt of who I am, regardless of who or what you’d turn me into, but whatever that may be I’d be the best I could be just for you.

Yes, this is a love letter. Yes… another damn love letter! But I can’t imagine that you’d see my love letter as being any less sincere than many of the others I’m sure you’ve received over the years. In fact, I do hope that you see something different in me, something different in my words and thoughts. I hope you see something genuine in my heart. I don’t want to be viewed as a sex starved little boy whose cherry you popped and now my mind is bent. I want to be viewed a someone who has been searching for a freedom, a freedom that only the love for a woman like you can provide. I want to be free to love you in the way you need.

Please don’t think of me as a weak man. I handle my things, and have my choices when it comes to being with someone, but what I want is hard to find. I initially was on NF for the purpose of just passing time, yes….just to have some fun. But at some point I realized that maybe I had subconsciously used NF as a site to help me locate what I was missing. Then I stumbled across you. LOL Lord have mercy! What the fuck was I thinking? I had no idea what I was opening myself up too.

Now look at me, wishing a woman as beautiful as you, thousands of miles away, with no life constraints other than those she chooses, would want a hard working, handsome, 9 to 5 man like me. Mz Devon… what am I to do? I’m just not sure what I’m to do. There is so much inside you, I just want to touch you, know you, learn you, be close to you, and hold you till you seek love no more. Because when it’s all said and done if I had a prayer that would be answered it would be that some how, some way, you’d open up your heart and let me be the man who loves and worships you. Mz Devon, I’m in love.

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