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Blog by std jean-jacques

Why do i never learn ? The more i try to stay away from Goddess Mz Devon, the faster i crawl back to Her boots and beg to be led to a spot, any spot within Her kennel of low lives. I should call it the probation spot, as over the years I never managed to prove I truly deserved a full time spot in Heaven.

What was it that made me fall this time? Something She wrote i think, something like “Once I get into a loser head it’s over, I run the house”. That statement stroke me and made me feel incredibly weak because, face it, this is exactly how I feel about Goddess Mz Devon. Part of me shies away from the complete control i know She’s able to get over my life, yet the other part, the sensible one, knows this is precisely what I want and believes this is indeed what’s going to happen, sooner or later.

Of course Goddess Mz Devon would not let me even beg Her to give me another chance. I screwed up so many times before, proved so unreliable and stupid. She would not. And as a matter of fact She did not, even after She had me send Her three times the amount of money I thought I was able to find. So here I am now, ruined, financially screwed to the bone, yet not anywhere nearer Her perfect feet. Frustrated. Sad. Aching for Her constantly, yet deeply aware of my inadequacy. Unfit to serve someone like Her. Lost.

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