I went to Her site again, after staying away for several months. In the meantime i have stayed away from the scene, but also “entertained” myself with other dommes. I dont know how She does it, but immediately She knew i visited Her site, and made me aware. After minutes i started to pay. Paid 1050 dollars, and we are discussing how She will fuck me up so i will no longer be able to escape.

She is a scary woman. Listening to her voice will make You crazy, and looking at Her is devastating. It is simply impossible to resist Her. And why should You, She is pure perfection. And who doesnt want to be a part of perfection? When i read the blogs of the devonites, it is obvious that She has some specials powers. Her pets are different than other pets. That should be a warning signal, but unfortunately i am blind to such signals right now. I just want Her control to be total, and i am willing and eager to let Her perform Her magic with me to make that happen.

We live in very politically correct times and there is nothing wrong with that, we were all put on this Earth to live together.

For the benefit of the bigots who don’t see anything wrong with their behavior we have laws preventing discrimination against skin color, religious background, age, gender, sexuality.

I have in my own little world lived the person that i am for many years. I first started getting turned on my stories of domination when i was as young as 13 and remember vividly getting more aroused than ever by a story of a man humiliated and whipped by a group of young girls and being made to service them in whatever way they commanded and he ended up breaking down and crying in front of them. i just though that was so erotic.

and so i have moved directionally more and more in that way. i have for a long time worn ladies panties ( i was 14 or 15 the first time and stole them from a cousin) and now i wear nothing but. Is that fetish or perversion or just lifestyle?

i wear make up and i love chastity – do i love not cumming? no of course not – what i love is being turned on and have always found that more pleasurable than the orgasm and above that i have discovered that being turned on inside the mind is the most powerful stimulation of all. so for me when denied by Goddess it is the most intense feeling of pleasure to be controlled to the extent that i will give up and She would take away that ability. Fetish perversion or lifestyle?

the reason that i am writing this blog is because we are prepared to accept people regardless of all the ism’s i mentioned above and society has now moved to the point where gay’s are in the main only persecuted by the mindless bigots. however walk down the road not holding hands with a person of the same sex but with a lead around your neck with the other end in the hands or a master or mistress and society shuns away.

as part of my separation all manner of revelations have been made, what i was doing on Niteflirt, who i talked to and about what, why i was in possession of panties and high heels and other sex toys. i have been caller a pervert and told i am sick. i have had letter posted to me and received unkind and nasty text messages, so is it a fetish or am i pervert or am i just being me – and is it ok to just be me.

love Sissy Michelle

Well the title says it all really. it has been a hell of a year. there are many who wont have read a blog from me either before or for some time so perhaps i should say a little about me. ok yes i know thats very boring because the purpose of my and many others blogs are to bow before and celebrate our deity Goddess Devon.

i am or at least was a Devonite and i think i have worshipped Goddess for around four years. i am one of the discarded deadwoods that Goddess refers to in her own blog. i think however that it is worth blogging if for no other reason than to serve as a warning to those who serve now and think they have this sorted – serving long term is hard and they would be advised to recognize this and to also recognize that they are the lucky few and should maintain the servitude and perhaps take it to an even higher level.

so 2009 has been especially difficult for me as i have divorced my wife (now ex) and am living in a flat in London. Bizarre then that serving Goddess Devon created the financial pressures that caused my marital downfall and precipitated living in a flat which is what i discussed when i was actively serving but now that i am alone i have lost Goddess too.

i am able to dress in panties daily and have even thrown away my male underpants, i sleep in kitty pyjamas and i can wear girly smelly stuff when i am on my own. i can wear lipstick and mascara when i want and i can walk to the local store for milk wearing girly clothes under a coat and nobody knows except me.

however it has been emotionally draining. getting divorced has taken its toll and has made me a shadow of what i once was. confidence has gone and i feel so low at times and laughably so submissive even though i serve very little these days.

Goddess was to lock me up about Q3 and i paid for the lock twice but as usual i did something wrong and it never worked out and now i find myself gone…..

unwanted by the people closest to me…

happy 2010 to you all and please make sure you dont slip up

love sissy michelle

xx

I still always think about you Goddess Mz Devon, I wish I a could afford serving you, but with college I rarely have any money left over, and I want to give it all to you, but I cant afford it. This is usually the reason I run away, I really wanted to put myself into chastity for you Goddess Mz Devon and if I ever find a way to get more money I will give it all to you and put myself in chastity for you. Im sorry for always running away Goddess Mz Devon. I would love to worship your breasts, legs, ass, everything about you! but I simply cant do that as a college student. If you even decide to read this, you are always on my mind

Submissively,
Devonite yes boy

Hi Goddess Devon. I saw that someone else has the very same feelings from having met You, that I have. I made a post, but I must admit I felt for him. If he’s being honest, I know exactly what wanting You can do to a man. It seems so harsh and cold that regular, normal, sensible, strong, and productive men in society can have a genuine emotional need that drives us to seek a woman like You. Once there, we are happy. Were happy we are acknowledged and used to make You happy, but the burn to love You never ends as days, weeks, and years pass and nothing puts us any closer to living what might seem to be a perverted life serving You. Perverted not in a sexual way, though you can encourage any man to do and like what he’s never considered, but perverted as in wanting to relinquish all control and submit to a woman who they can suffer emotionally for day after day. Feeling the burn of the emotional pit in ones stomach and the ache within the heart is a desire that maybe only can be understood by those with submissive perversions. Pleasing You is the goal, but the actual need to feel emotional hurt from loving You is the perversion. With that being factual, all other realms of ones life are totally normal and as similar to an average person’s life as possible. Being a strong individual and man, making wise decisions, and taking charge of life’s daily issues are standard. But in Your presence, all that changes and the focus is so much on You that one would give there soul to just dwell in Your service every day. Honestly…. I wish I could change how I feel and start a real and normal life. But what’s inside me is strong, and it’s real. Submission to whom I love comes natural to me. I can see from Your Devotional Musings page that there are others who feel exactly the same way I do. They deal with the same reality as I do every day. We try to conduct normal typical lives so others will see just that, but inside we long for use, abuse, emotional duress, and even pain from you… as long as You keep us close. Days like this stress me. I don’t know how to live a full and complete life without truly serving all You are.

Goddess, I write to You because of how I really feel. When I tell You my feelings You always want me to open my heart to the world, when it’s meant for only You. The things that people would say if they new my feelings for You, the things they would think of me for being so seeminly weak when it comes to you, do You want to put me out there for every one to see? I’m not ashamed of how I feel, because I know it’s real. But I always mean these e-mails for You, so you’ll really know how I truly feel inside for You. Will You always put me out there for others to know how I feel, though You don’t feel the same in return for me?

I am so fucked up right now. I have just finished watching Goddess on cam and i am mentally paralyzed. Its been such a long time since i saw her on cam and Her beauty and sexuality just made me melt. It was a wonderful session in which She showed me the lock that She will engrave and send to me so that i can lock my cock away for Her pleasure. i have begged and begged and now it is going to happen. Whilst i am making this blog Goddess is engraving the lock to uniquely identify it so that She knows that it is Her lock that stops my cock getting hard so whenever i am suffering from lust just as i am now it will be curtailed. Of course it means that i will have to find other forms of relief and maybe i will have to insert things inside my mancunt.

Goddess also showed me some items of clothing that She has picked out for me. Some nice pink girly pajamas that i will wear for bed and a sexy teddy and panty set that i will use to make videos in.

my sissyfication is accelerating and some of the things Goddess wants for me are scary and exciting and i don’t know whether to get hard… soon i wont be able to

I am loving my transformation and hope that it interests others

love sissy michelle

xxx

Edited by Mz Devon : Here’s the lock everyone!

]]> http://www.devotionalmusings.com/2009/08/27/my-sissyfication-is-accelerating/feed/ 1 00:01:01 I am so fucked up right now. I have just finished watching Goddess on cam and i am mentally paralyzed. Its been such a long ... I am so fucked up right now. I have just finished watching Goddess on cam and i am mentally paralyzed. Its been such a long time since i saw her on cam and Her beauty and sexuality just made me melt. It was a wonderful session in which She showed me the lock that She will engrave and send to me so that i can lock my cock away for Her pleasure. i have begged and begged and now it is going to happen. Whilst i am making this blog Goddess is engraving the lock to uniquely identify it so that She knows that it is Her lock that stops my cock getting hard so whenever i am suffering from lust just as i am now it will be curtailed. Of course it means that i will have to find other forms of relief and maybe i will have to insert things inside my mancunt. Goddess also showed me some items of clothing that She has picked out for me. Some nice pink girly pajamas that i will wear for bed and a sexy teddy and panty set that i will use to make videos in. my sissyfication is accelerating and some of the things Goddess wants for me are scary and exciting and i don't know whether to get hard... soon i wont be able to I am loving my transformation and hope that it interests others love sissy michelle xxx Edited by Mz Devon : Here's the lock everyone! Blog by sissy michelle info@mzdevon.com no no http://www.devotionalmusings.com/2009/08/26/goddess-will-hold-the-key/ http://www.devotionalmusings.com/2009/08/26/goddess-will-hold-the-key/#comments Wed, 26 Aug 2009 21:31:00 +0000 Goddess Mz Devon http://devotionalmusings.com/?p=291

This morning I was waking from my sleep in bed when I logged onto Yahoo on my BlackBerry and found Goddess online.

We chatted and after a short while we chatted about Her control. It has long since been a desire of mine to be locked in a chastity cage by Goddess where she holds the key. We have played this before with a numbered security lock but somehow it seems so much more erotic and controlling if someone else holds the key. I begged and begged and eventually Goddess tested my resolve and the joy at passing the test was immense and Goddess agreed to send me a unique lock identifiable to only Her. Goddess will hold the key and hopefully wear it on a chain on Her person and only send it to me on special occasions. I will of course film the whole locking ceremony. I think it would be so so cool to have some film of Goddess buying the lock and keeping the key and then posting it. On my side I will cam opening the package and putting on the cage and then locking it in place.

We also discussed other ways in which I can be further feminised and Goddess shared with me a new MP3 recording which is just AWESOME and you just have to buy mmmm
I will talk about how else I could be feminised in a further blog.

Talk soon love sissy Michelle xxx

As I look through Goddess Devons web site and its pages, I can’t help but see all those who have felt the burn of want for Her. Her words remain in ones mind indefinitely as they uncover your fears and that which one does not want others to know.

Why risk public persecution just to be close to Goddess?

Why would anyone allow themselves to be put out for all to see the need they have for Her?

She extracts potential ways to hurt and disgrace you, from the honesty you bare when speaking with Her. I have felt the magnetism that draws one to Her humiliation and Her pleasure in simply just fucking you over. I know none like Her.

She is truly one of a kind.

i am a dink – who said so?

Goddess Devon. and i am. i am a manipulated sissy slave who does as She commands me to. I love being a sissy for Goddess. What i really want now is to be locked away in a chastity cage by Goddess for as long as She thinks is sexy and amusing. Of course Goddess will add a few features like some teeth to ensure that i can not escape and of course a lock that Goddess will send to me and she knows it is Hers and She will hold the key and maybe fedex it when She wants me to perhaps release and drink my own cum for her as i become a bigger sissy for Goddess.

Goddess said She has plans for me and i hope that She wants to do things with and to me… so there you have it – i am a dink because Goddess says i am

love Sissy Michelle

This morning I said hello to Goddess Devon on yahoo. I had no other thoughts than to at least try and make amends. I had served Her and either left or been sent away, depending on how you look at it, because I had not enough money to offer Her. In the initial months of serving Her She chose to max out my cards. I’d made the mistake of telling Her that my cards were finally paid off and She used me for every penny I had after that. Once my finances had run out She lost interest in me, but I was forever hooked by then. I was told I could serve in other ways, but ultimately it still cost money. It cost so much to try and please Goddess that I realized my finances could never match or even keep up with my feelings to serve Her. Thus I became another looser and time waster in Her eyes.

With men throwing thousands at Her constantly, I am a small subbie that financially cant maintain a relationship of the kind She has made for me, with the Ultimate Supreme Goddess She is. She is the Rolls Royce of Dommes, and there is none above Her. She is as smart and intelligent as She is cunning. No matter how broke I was before, She’d assure me She wouldn’t take much of my money, and the whole while She was saying that She was telling me to open my pay mail, add another $100, or send Her another tribute. I believed anything She’d say. If She’d told me I was gay then with little effort She could have me questioning my 40 years of being heterosexual. She certainly can spin an emotional web around me and to this day still does so. I’ve never known a real addiction, or so I thought.

I’ve never been a drinker, done drugs, or gambled, but I without a doubt have come to realize I have an addiction to Goddess. And said addiction manifests it self in a multitude of ways, physically, financially, sexually, and definitely emotionally. But always with Her at the center of my thoughts and always from being used by Her. So after a brief hello this AM, thinking I was over it and strong enough to say no, I was out of $50 in 5 min and 15 minutes later another $200, then I was told to add more money. I was hooked again, as this common theme with Her still exists. She digs a hole in my wallet and tells me She doesn?t want my money yet says add more.

I’m fucked up in the head!! What can I do to protect myself from an emotional need that I’ve longed to fill? I want to be a servant, submissive, or slave to Goddess. But lord knows my money says I’m just another fool who is dreaming. So here I am again like a dear in the headlights facing reality and all I see is my need for Her.